A Letter to Mom

Dear Mom,

Our Scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Chad’s mother and tell her that he’s OK. He can’t write because of the cast. I got to ride on one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn’t been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him.

Did you know that if you put a gas can on a fire, the gas can will blow up? Billy is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn’t any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.

Also, Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick a lot that way with the food they ate in prison.

I’m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time.

I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets.

Don’t worry about anything. We are fine.

Love, Johnny

P. S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?

How Much Is Enough?

The rich industrialist from the North was horrified to find the southern fisherman lying lazily beside his boat, drinking a can of beer.

“Why aren’t you out fishing?” asked the industrialist.

“Because I have caught enough fish for the day,” said the fisherman.

“Why don’t you catch some more?”

“What should I do with them?”

“You could earn more money,” the industrialist replied. “With that you could have a motor fixed to your boat and go into deeper waters and catch more fish. Then you would make enough to buy nylon nets. These would bring you more fish and more money. Soon you would have enough money to own two boats … may be even a fleet of boats. Then you would be a rich man like me.”

“What would I do then?” asked the fisherman.

“Then you could really enjoy life.”

“What do you think I am doing right now?”

Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky

On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind,” were televised to Earth and heard by millions.

But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark: “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.” Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the, “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

In 1938 when he was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in his neighbor’s yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.

As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. “Sex! You want sex? You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”