No I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows
Your first relationship failure may be the first significant setback in your life. I had mine when I was studying in the university in UK. That year, I was in final year and lived in the university accommodation. It was a mixed flat – 6 boys lived in one wing and 6 girls lived in the other wing while the kitchen and lounge are for common use.
That Christmas break, all the local students went back home to celebrate Christmas. As the only overseas student in the flat, I stayed alone during the break. Two weeks into the break, a girl lived in the opposite wing came back. She claimed she needed to study in advance to prepare for the exam after Christmas. I knew she just broke up with her boyfriend who was also a student of the university.
Since there were only two of us in the flat, we talked more and knew each other better. Then we went shopping, watched movies, studied and even cooked together. At one time, I thought we were dating. But I was wrong.
No I can’t forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know
After the break, she met her ex-boyfriend in the library, they talked, laughed and gone. Within ten minutes, they were back together again. I saw they left happily together and knew that I misunderstood or simply thought too much. She might just need someone to kill the time. The reserve needs to disappear when the selected player back on the court. I should read that “Idiot’s Guide to Dating” or email Dalai Lama regarding human relations.
People have different ways to deal with setbacks in life. For me, I run. That night, I ran around the campus for long, long time. I didn’t understand why other students looked at me strangely when I ran past them, until I found out later that there was a mentally sick man who occasionally appeared near the campus and harassed the students. They might admire my bravery in running at night or think that I might actually be that guy.
After the run, I was exhausted, short of breath and lying on my bed. Sometimes you can just sigh, throw your despair to the world and let go. I would be alone tomorrow but those beautiful memories stayed. I could even feel the happiness one more time.
I can’t live, if living is without you
I can’t give, I can’t give any more
Can’t live, if living is without you
Can’t give, I can’t give any more
Soon I graduated and prepared to leave UK. I was clearing out my locker in the flat the last time I saw her. She asked when I would be leaving. I told her the date and other than “all the best”, I couldn’t find other more meaningful things to say. She might feel the same way and we didn’t say anything. There was a brand new bottle of pepper powder in my locker that was never been used and I gave it to her. She smiled and I thought this might be the oddest gift she ever received. I wanted to tell her that I was fallen for her that Christmas but I just couldn’t pluck up the courage.
Some of us learn things the hard way – adding experiences through welts, bruises and assorted psychic and emotional pratfalls. For those of us, life must be lived to be learned. It will be a fine day tomorrow and life has yet to unfold.
– Originally published in April 2012