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Archive for December 1, 2017

15 Two-Line Jokes


  1. Parallel lines have so much in common.
    It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  2. My wife accused me of being immature.
    I told her to get out of my fort.
  3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
    Then they call me ugly and poor.
  4. What do you call a dog with no legs?
    It doesn’t matter; it’s not going to come.
  5. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
    You have my Word.
  6. What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
    A pool table.
  7. A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
    He yells, “Don’t do it! You have so much potential!”
  8. Want to hear a word I just made up?
  9. Why do cows wear bells?
    Because their horns don’t work.
  10. To the handicapped guy who stole my bag.
    You can hide but you can’t run.
  11. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
    If anything, it made him more sluggish.
  12. And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
    But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
  13. Someone stole my mood ring.
    I don’t know how I feel about that.
  14. The first rule of Alzheimer’s club –
    don’t talk about chess club.
  15. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
    If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.