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Archive for May 8, 2017

Best Divorce Letter

divorce

Dear X,

I’ve been thinking a lot about this and I decided to tell you we need to part ways. Although I was a great husband to you for the past 7 years, you never showed me your love. I’ve been feeling miserable, especially the past 2 weeks. The last nail in the coffin was struck today, when your boss called me that you quit your job. Also, you didn’t even notice my new haircut last week, I tried to get your attention by cooking your favorite meal and I even bought a new pair of boxers, which weren’t cheap. You didn’t even turn to me, just ate quickly and went to watch your soap operas. You don’t even tell me you love me anymore. I suspect you’re cheating, or you simply don’t love me. I don’t care anymore, I’m leaving you.

P.S. I’m in a relationship with your sister now, and we’re going to live in West Virginia, so don’t try to find me anymore. I hope u have an amazing life!

Your now Ex-Husband

Dear Y,

I’ve had luck lately, but nothing made me happier than your letter. We’ve been married for 7 years and you were a good husband, however not as you used to be. I’m watching those soap operas because I’m choked by your constant nagging, but they don’t help much. And yes, I noticed your haircut last week, but you looked so ridiculous I didn’t want to say anything. Also, pork is my sister’s favorite meal, not mine, I stopped eating it almost 7 years ago, so you probably confused me. Oh, and she borrowed $50 from me the same day you wore those $49.99 boxers, so I knew what’s up.

However, knowing all this, I still loved you and wanted to make things work. So, I quit my job just because I won a 10-million lottery, and wanted to surprise you with two tickets to a holiday in Jamaica, but you weren’t here when I got home. Also, thanks a lot for the letter, since my lawyer said it’s an evidence and you won’t get $1 from those money. So, I hope you have an amazing life as well!

Your now Ex-Wife, richer than ever!

P.S. I think it’s a shame you will hear it from me, but my sister Carla is actually a male-to-female transgender named Carl. I hope it won’t affect your beautiful relationship!