My Next Life
by George Carlin
I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out
of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you’re too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you’re generally
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no
Then you become a baby, and then … you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in Spa-like conditions – Central heating, room service on tap, and then …
You finish off as an orgasm.