One day I had a stomach ache and diarrhea. The suspected causes were what I had for dinner the night before: pasta, orange juice and the butter cake. To prove which one actually caused the problem, I took the orange juice and butter cake again on the second day – same symptoms as first day. On the third day, I only took the butter cake – same symptoms again. Satisfied, when I threw the butter cake into the garbage bin, I laughed, “What a stupid idea!?” I should ask my father to have the butter cake and I drink the orange juice on the second day.
I caught the flu and got a fever the night before running the half marathon. I felt terrible when I woke up in the morning and contemplated whether I should run or not. There was no time to research how many people died because of running a half marathon with a flu and fever. Hopefully none or not many. I read somewhere that it’s good to sweat when you are sick. So I took 2 Panadols before the run. I blew my nose a few times during the run but I completed around the same time as the year before. And I didn’t die.
I went to our usual dinning place by myself. I ordered the same food that we used to order. Even the waitress asked why I was alone. After dinner, I visited those places that we used to wander: the shopping mall, the bookshop, the cafe, the cinema. I was hoping I could meet you by chance. I knew I was naive to believe that I could meet a person in a city with luck. In the end, we just passed each other’s world once in life. There are many things that I want to tell you but now they can only be kept in my heart. But how wonderful it will be if you are the one who is waiting for me at the finish line.
What always breaks my heart is when I see people begging on the street, or those who abused their bodies by alcohol or drugs. I wonder at what point their life was crashing down. I always try to be nice to everyone but people just take advantage of my kindness. I understand life is not fair but every time when something unfair happens to me I still will ask, “Why me?” Sometimes it’s not the crash that breaks us – it’s our unwillingness to break the frame that keep us safe in the comfort of our lives. When I feel loss and uncertain, I always remember there is a crazy stubborn self inside me who will take out the hammers and nails, create a new frame, and we will ultimately move forward with confidence and creativity once again. Life is like a coin. Pleasure and pain are the two sides. Only one side is visible at a time. But remember the other side is waiting for its turn. When life changes, learn to love what’s present today and make the best choice.