My five-year-old scribbled out his Christmas list. It’s there by the fireplace. The Coke and chocolates are from him, in case you’re hungry. You know five-year-olds these days. The Cheez-Its are from me.
Santa, if you don’t mind, I thought I’d go ahead and leave my list too. It’s long, but do what you can. It’s all I want for Christmas.
- Santa, let my little boy grow up still believing that he has the funniest dad in the neighbourhood.
- Give him many close friends, both boys and girls. May they fill his days with adventure, security and dirty fingernails.
- If you can help it, Santa, never let him be sent into war. His mother and I love our country, but we love our five-year-old boy more.
- While you’re at it, give our world leaders a copy of The Killer Angels, Michael Shaara’s retelling of the Battle of Gettysburg. May it remind them that too many moms and dads have wept at Christmas for soldiers who died in battles that needn’t have been fought.
- Let our house always be filled with slamming doors and toilet seats, which are the official sounds of little boys.
- Break it to him gently, Santa, that his dad won’t always be able to carry him to bed at night or brush his teeth for him. Teach him courage in the face of such change.
- Let him understand that no matter how nice you are to everyone, the world will sometimes break your heart. As you know, Santa, child’s feelings are as fragile as moth wings.
- Let him become a piano player, a soccer star or a clergyman. Or all three. Anything but a politician.
- Give him a hunger for books, music and geography.
- The kid’s a born artist, Santa, so send more crayons. May our kitchen window and refrigerator doors be ever plastered with his sketches of surreal rainbows and horses with big ears.
- Steer him oh-so-carefully to that little girl destined to be his bride. Let his mother and me still be around when he walks her down the aisle. If possible, let her daddy be obscenely rich.
- Grant him a heart that will cherish what his parents did and forgive us for the mistakes we surely will have made over a lifetime of raising him.
- Let him not hold it against us that he was born with my chin and his mother’s ears. Time will teach him that these are ways of girding him for life’s adversities.
- While you’re flying around the heavens, Santa, make sure our prayers are heard for this child. Lead our little boy not into temptation; deliver him from evil.
Finally, be careful out there, Santa. And Close the flue on your way up.