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Dear Abby

abby

Since 1956, trouble-plagued Americans have been writing letters to “Dear Abby,” a clever advice column offering words of wisdom to troubled readers. The woman behind the pen name “Abigail Van Buren” was Pauline Phillips, who died January 16 2013, at age 94 after a long battle with Alzheimer’s. In 2002, the brand was taken over by Pauline’s daughter Jeanne Phillips, who will continue the legacy after her mother’s death. Here are some fun and classic replies from the modern-day agony aunt.

Dear Abby:
I’ve been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he’s going out with me just for what he can get?
Gertie

Dear Gertie: I don’t know. What’s he getting?

Dear Abby:
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he’d like?
Carol

Dear Carol: Never mind what he’d like. Give him a tie.

Dear Abby:
Are birth control pills deductible?
Kay

Dear Kay: Only if they don’t work.

Dear Abby:
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
Wondering

Dear Wondering: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.

Dear Abby:
Do you think about dying much?
Curious

Dear Curious: No, it’s the last thing I want to do.

Dear Abby:
Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time?
Jake

Dear Jake: Yes, and also hazardous.

Dear Abby:
I know boys will be boys, but my ‘boy’ is seventy-three and he’s still chasing women. Any suggestions?
Annie

Dear Annie: Don’t worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn’t know what to do with it.

Dear Abby:
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
Sam In Cal.

Dear Sam: Yes. Run for public office.

Dear Abby:
What inspires you most to write?
Ted

Dear Ted: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

Dear Abby:
When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, “I’ve heard a lot about you”?
Rita

Dear Rita: It depends on what you’ve heard.

Dear Abby:
I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.
Rose

Dear Rose: So would I.

Dear Abby:
What’s the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Bess

Dear Bess: Night and Day.

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