At the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, every husband in a local pub was asked to stand next to the one person who made his life worth living. As the clock struck – the bartender was almost crushed to death.
A friend asked his friend for a cigarette.
His friend said, “I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking.”
The man said, “I’m in the process of quitting. Right now, I’m in the middle of phase one.”
“What is phase one?”
“I’ve quit buying.”
The wife was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?”
“Ah, you’ll know tonight,” answered the husband smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, the husband approached the wife and handed her small package.
Delighted and excited the wife opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: “The Meaning of Dreams”.
A businessman had arranged an important formal dinner party at his home on New Year’s Eve and planned to serve his guests’ favorite food, steak, as the main course.
While the guests were eating their appetizers, the cook came to the host and whispered, “Please come urgently to the kitchen.”
The host went to the kitchen where the cook explained that while he had stepped out for a quick cigarette, the host’s dog had climbed up on the table and eaten a few chunks out of some steaks. The host said, “Just fill the holes with some meat and turn the other side up – nobody will notice.”
The steaks were served and when they were nearly finished eating, the host was again summoned to the kitchen. The cook, looking quite upset, told the host that the dog had died.
The host frantically rushed back to the dinner party and apologized fervently before announcing, “Something was wrong with the steak and everyone must have their stomachs pumped immediately at the hospital.”
The guests all headed to the hospital, endured the painful procedure, and returned to the house. The host then went and asked the cook, “Where is the dog?”
“Oh,” said the chef, “The dog is still down by the road where the car hit it.”
On this New Year’s Eve, I drafted my New Year’s resolutions for 2013:
- Read less.
- Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser.
- Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
- Stop exercising.
- Stop blogging – waste of time.
- Watch more TV and movies.
- Procrastinate more.
- No longer waste time relieving the past, instead spend time worrying about the future.
- Drink more alcohol.
- Start being superstitious.
- Spend more time at work.
- Stop bringing lunch from home and eat out more.
- Take up a new habit – maybe smoking.
This year, the number of subscribers to this blog exceeds the number of my friends in Facebook! Thank you for every view, every like and every comment. It’s been a remarkable journey. When the mid-night bell rings tonight, raise your glass, let the old year pass, and signify a new year of love, hope, peace and happiness.
Happy New Year! Wishing you all a very prosperous 2013!