“Married people are happier. Like our manager, he looks happy every day.”
“He only looks happy at work.”
“Why not you just walk faster?”
“You know, we need to waste as much time as possible here.”
“When do you want this done?”
“Yesterday, you are actually late already.”
“How many issues did you find from testing?”
“Just one, the thing cannot be powered on.”
“Why the internet in the office is so slow?”
“I think it exceeds the download limit and is throttled to a lower speed.”
“I assume your productivity is doubled as compared with others.”
“But my pay does not reflect that.”
“Why are you just staring at your monitor and doing nothing?”
“You are talking to my avatar and my body is sleeping at home.”
“Did you integrate your component into our system and do the test?”
“Then how do you know your component works?”
“It works, if not, it’s your system’s problems.”
“Did you fix the crashing of the software?”
“Yes, it now restarts automatically when crashes and nobody will aware.”
I once chatted with my HR manager in the kitchen while I was washing my cup:
Me: Do you know one of our team members got the swine flu and his whole family needs to be quarantined for 2 weeks?
Her: No, that’s horrible. Are you close to him?
Me: Oh, he drove me to the train station the last day he’s here. You know, he coughed like he’s going to died inside the car.
There was a moment of silence. I turned and she had gone already.
Finally, an email from my boss:
For those of you that don’t know I will be on leave tomorrow, I will be on leave tomorrow.